Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
