The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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