Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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