problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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