I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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