I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I puked a lego.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
