I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
