I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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