I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
