also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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