theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize