he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
