before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
