We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
