is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
