I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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