I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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