my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Drunk is not a location!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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