you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My pussy is not your playground.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
