it hurts more in the daytime
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's just like the Real World with babies
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
