i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
