Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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