I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
