eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
