I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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