Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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