I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
