Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
