you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm too high and old for this...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
