we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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