I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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