I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
