you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
