Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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