so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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