just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
