Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
