If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
