Non-Jews are for practice
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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