wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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