# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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