We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
