And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
