Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
