all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
