do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
