"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
