she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Randomize
