I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
