He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
