her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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